


Oh My God

by MysteriouslySurreal



Series: When Love Takes Over [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Being married doesn't mean you can't have fun, But Eren always makes it fun, Carla is a giggly drunk, Eren And His Inner Monologues, Eren is a weeb, Eren's thirst still ain't quenched, Erens Inner Monologues Once Again, Fireman Eren, I'm ready, Levi is a closet weeb tbh, M/M, Mr and Mr Dork, Multi, Mundane things, Now with the addition of kids with fur, Pick-up lines are back, Police officer Levi, Snowball and Kuro rule the house, Stupid Wedding speeches, are you ready for this, woohoo a sequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-29 00:16:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3875281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteriouslySurreal/pseuds/MysteriouslySurreal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After five years together, Levi finally decided to put a ring on it and make Eren his husband. This story follows their married life. Watch how they learn to grow as a couple, find themselves and grow old together peacefully... Yeah, right.</p><p>Be prepared for the return of Levi and Eren, pervy thoughts, facts, crazy mishaps, pop culture references and dorks being dorks. They're taking over New York, one pick-up line at a time.</p><p>Good Luck, New York.</p><p>Sequel to Hot Damn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Weddings.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack. *confetti*  
> You wanted a sequel? I've delivered a sequel.  
> I hope you're as ready as I am.
> 
> For those who haven't read the first story, Hot Damn, I recommend that you do. There are many inside jokes in this that will make much more sense if you read the first story. 
> 
> For those who have read Hot Damn. Strap in. It's going to be a wild ride.
> 
> Updates will be every weekend, due to exams etc.
> 
> Thanks to joannasama for the parent story. It was adorable.
> 
> Hope you enjoy part 2 of the dorks! xxx

** EREN POV: 3 Months Earlier. **

“Eren Jaeger; Will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?”

I let out a sigh of relief.

“Oh my God, Levi! I thought you were going to break up with me or something!” I waved my hands around like a maniac.

“Oh my God no, Eren. I’m proposing. We’re getting married.”

I let out a breath of air that I was unaware I was holding.

“I was legit ready to cry or something.”

“Please don’t cry, you’re too beautiful to cry.” He smiled at me.

I grinned widely.

“So now what?” I asked.

“Now you give me an answer, you fuck. I’m on my knee for you with a ring in a box. There are ants down here.”

 _Oh, right_.

“Hm… I dunno.” I trailed off.

“What do you mean ‘I dunno?’”

“I mean, like, am I ready for marriage? Do I want to be tied down? You can’t stop the Jaegermeister from taking over the world.”

He gave me a deadpan expression.

“Just give me an answer, you limp noodle.”

“Excuse me that was a Disney reference. Now you’ve ruined any chance of me saying yes.” I frowned.

“You have to be fucking with me.”

_I was fucking with him, yes._

“Oh, Levi. Get up.”

He got to his knees and raised an eyebrow. I embraced him in a hug and whispered into his ear, effectively sealing the deal.

“Yes, you wonderful little gnome. I will marry you.” I kissed him passionately.

* * *

 

** Present Day: **

Today was the wedding.

I seriously considered wearing a dress to my wedding, but I was an adult now, so I worea tux. I have to make adult decisions and do adult things.

Like taxes.

And carry around briefcases.

_I think not._

“Places, everyone! We’re starting this in a few minutes time!” My mother called.

_Oh God. Am I ready for this? What if he shows me up at the altar? What if I trip and fall on my face?_

I had a feeling everyone would laugh if I did fall on my face.

The wedding was meant to start soon and I was so excited.

I’m getting hitched!

Let’s just hope there was ice-cream at the reception. I’d kill a bitch if there wasn’t.

* * *

 

“Are you ready, Eren?” My mother smiled next to me.

I nodded my head and gulped. It was now or never. The music began to play, and we both walked down the aisle, arms intertwined. Levi was standing by the altar, and damn did he look good. Those suit pants really do hug his ass nicely.

Somehow I was already at the altar, and my mother slowly walked away to her spot. Levi looked up at me with a breathtaking smile on his face.

“Hey, gorgeous.” He whispered.

“I could say the same to you.”

“Can you believe it? The day is finally here.” He asked.

“I know. I love you so much.”

“I love you more.” He smiled.

“Not possible.”

“Yes, it is.” He argued.

“No, it’s not, now listen to the pastor.” I scolded.

The pastor spoke up.

“We are gathered here today--”

_Yeah yeah. Get on with it. I want to be married to my gorgeous fiancé and celebrate with ice-cream. Do you think you could hurry it up? My legs are getting tired. Oh look, a dog. I wonder if it got out. Probably seeking a new life as a clown or something. God, the sun is so hot, I think it’s making me delirious... oh wait… the heat is just Levi. Damn he’s hot. I can’t wait to put my hands on his—_

“You may now kiss your husband.” The pastor said.

_Oh, that was quick._

Levi look up at me and pulled my face down to kiss me. Damn, he could kiss good. I don’t think I’d ever get used to it. The kiss was very chaste and the guests were soon erupting with cheers, hoots and hollers. I think Jean let out an “Ew, Jaeger, get a room.”

_Fuck off Jeanbo. This is my wedding._

He was just jealous because Marco couldn’t kiss him like that.

* * *

 

The reception was… interesting to say the least. I think my mother was drunk.

“God, Eren. Your situation remind me of your father and me. We met in a strange way too. We actually met in a laundromat in college. Your dad knew my roommate, and chatted with her while both of us, being so very shy, more or less ignored each other and each thought about how cute the other one was. When my I left, your dad's underwear and Mickey Mouse sheets turned into a ball of flame in the dryer. Later, he walked to my house and told me, "I think you set my underpants on fire. I'm pretty sure this means we should get dinner." She giggled.

My jaw hung open. My father was smoother than I thought, it seemed.

“However,” My mother continued “It can’t quite beat how you and Levi met.” She chuckled.

I shot her a scowl.

“For those who don’t know,” She looked around the room “Eren met Levi when he tripped on the ground after Levi started chasing him. Something about a wad of paper, I believe. Get this though, Levi’s sitting on top of him and he goes ‘If you look like you’ve pissed yourself, I’ll take you to dinner.” She throws her head back and laughs loudly.

I think she’s had enough wine for tonight.

Also, when the Hell did I tell her how Levi and I met?

Perhaps we should take the wine away from her…

* * *

 

“Eren, would you like to come up here and say a few words?” My mother asked from the stage. Hotel weddings all seem to have a stage. Awesome.

I nodded my head. It was my time to shine.

“Good evening everyone. Thank you for joining Levi and myself for our wedding. I apologise in advance if you accidently stand on Levi. That happens a lot, actually.” I winked.

Levi shot me a glare, but I knew it was all in jest.

“I was planning to do something sappy – and I will, but first, I’d like to say a few things that really sums up our marriage and relationship.”

Everyone went quiet, waiting for what I would say next.

“Levi? You look so familiar… didn't we take a class together? I could've sworn we had chemistry.” I tilted my head to the side, innocently. I saw Hange let out a cackle and clap her hands together. Levi just rolled his eyes.

“Fascinating. I've been looking at your eyes all night long, 'cause I've never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.” I winked down at him. The guests were starting to catch on, and they all laughed lightly. Levi shook his head.

Believe it or not, the war still hadn’t ended. When would it end, nobody knew.

All we knew is that we would never let the other win.

“Are you African? Because you're a frican babe.” That did it. Levi let out a hearty laugh, throwing his head back. The guests were in hysterics. I was bringing the house down.

_Score 4 for Jaeger._

“Okay, Okay. I’m going to keep this short – just like Levi.”

“Eren, you nerd.” Levi called out. I winked down at him.

“I never really took life seriously until I met Levi. Hell, it was months before I had any serious thoughts towards him. He was such a babe, though. Always thinking of my feelings first. Our first meeting was one for the books, considering he chased me around the track and pinned me to the ground with his itty bitty self. He weighs more than you think, God.” I laughed.

Levi shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“On a serious note, though,” I looked into his eyes. “I’m so blessed to have you, and I can’t believe we’ve gotten married. I love you so much, Levi – so much it hurts. You bring a smile to my face with your twisted sense of humour and your ability to do the silliest thing with a completely straight face. Thank you so much for choosing me to be your significant other – you’ve made the wrong decision, but thank you anyway.” The audience laughed at that.

I blew Levi a kiss.

“I love you, Stumpy.”

“Love you too, Bambi.” He called back.

God, I love him. Is this even real? I’m married to the man of my dreams. One who loves me for me.

* * *

 

** LEVI POV: **

“Levi, would you like to say something?” Eren called.

“Indeed I would.” I got up from my seat and walked up to the front of the room.

“Seeing as though Eren started with some lighthearted humour, I will follow suit. Before we start, though. Eren, I have to tell you something. I had the best pick-up line to propose with, but I was so nervous I forgot it.”

“What is it?” He called.

“It went something like ‘Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved and emotional stress can lead to physical complications such as headaches, ulcers, cancerous tumors, and even death! So for my health and yours – Just say yes.”

The guests chuckled.

“See, if you proposed with that, I would have agreed instantly.” He called up to me.

I rolled my eyes.

“Anyway, Eren, You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.”

He grinned. That pick-up line suited him so well.

“My friend thinks you're kinda cute, but I don't... I think you're absolutely gorgeous.” I pointed to my friend Farlan at the back of the room. His arm was currently around Isabel’s waist. There was no one I trusted more to look after my sister than Farlan. He looked up at me and winked. Farlan had been my right hand man since I moved to New York. Eren blushed when Farlan grinned at him. It was adorable.

Psst. Eren.” I called the attention back to me.

He raised an eyebrow.

“You're hotter than donut grease.”

Eren’s jaw dropped and he laughed. Hard. I could faintly see tears forming in his eyes.

Yes, I still hadn’t gotten over my donut addiction.

“Okay, on a very serious note; Eren Jaeger-Ackerman-Zoe. We can call you Eren JAZ from now on, hey?” I saw him grin. I winked back at him.

“Okay, okay. For real though. I used to believe that I was one of those loners who would scare everyone away with a death glare – and it worked for the most part. Hell, it even worked on you the first time. You were shaking like a leaf, it was so funny.”

He pulled a tongue at me.

“What I’m trying to say is, Eren. I love you. You made me believe that everyone deserves a chance at happiness, and I’ve found my happiness right here with you. You mean the world to me and I’m beyond words right now. I can’t believe you’re my husband, my spouse and my other half. It feels too good for words, and I hope you and I have a blast with this marriage. To be honest, though, I bet you’d make a hot old dinosaur in the old age home.” I laughed lightly, a smile gracing my face.

Eren shook his head.

“Eren. I love you, and thank you Jesus for this opportunity. Now, I’m coming down there before you eat all of the cake, you greedy cactus.”

Our guests burst into laughter. It seemed like that’s all they were doing tonight.

Eren and I should do comedy.

We’d make a great team.

* * *

 

** EREN POV: **

Everyone had left a few hours later.

Thank God.

My parents had begun to clean the tables, and we offered them some help.

“Oh, no boys. We’ll be fine. Go enjoy your wedding night.” She winked.

I might have blushed. My mother had never been that teasing before.

“We will.” Levi smiled from beside me, and laced his fingers with mine.

Anticipation brewed in my stomach.

I was getting laid tonight, fuck yeah.

“Come on, Eren.” Levi pulled me away from my chuckling parents, and we made our way up to our suite in the hotel.

I wonder if he’ll like my outfit I picked for him hehe.

The elevator dinged and we walked to the suite at the end of the hallway, opening the door.

“You know, I never did fully appreciate the vie--” Levi silenced me with his lips and pushed me further into the room, kicking the door shut behind us.

_Oh Lord Jesus, I’m ready. Take the wheel._


	2. Married Life: Mundane Things.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi finally move out and go grocery shopping.  
> How fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Thanks for all your enthusiasm for the first chapter! I'm so glad you're excited for a sequel. (I'm excited too)
> 
> Many thanks to Ace of Spades, ILoveAnime, murakamism (VintageHandle) and SupaKawaiiDesu for the pick-up lines.  
> I love them so much.
> 
> Enjoy! xx

**_ EREN POV: _ **

If you think married life is an exciting adventure, you’re very mistaken.

It’s not.

I’m literally going grocery shopping with Levi.

At the grocery store.

For our apartment.

That we share.

As in we moved out of our parent’s houses.

_Well, kicked out is more fitting, but you get the point._

* * *

 

**_ A FEW DAYS EARLIER: _ **

“Eren, sweetie, can you come here for a second?” My mother called.

My mother was using **that** voice. The sickly sweet one. This couldn’t be good.

“Yes, my darling mother?” I replied as I appeared in the doorway of the living room.

“Sit down on the couch.”

I raised an eyebrow suspiciously, but sat down anyway.

“Well?” I asked.

“Your father and I have been thinking,” She gestured to my father, who was busy eating some honey.

_Fucking bee vomit. What are you even doing with your life, dad?_

“We’ve been thinking that maybe it’s time you moved out. You’re married now, and we think you should be out living with Levi as a married couple.” She said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“But I like it here. It’s comfortable and I see Levi all the time.”

“Eren, literally nothing in your life has changed since you got married. The only difference in your life is the ring on your finger. Levi still lives next door like your best friend.” She sighed.

_She has a point there._

“Well, I mean… I guess.”

“Perhaps you should start looking for a place to live with Levi. You’re 24, not 17.” My father piped in.

I sighed.

“And here I was thinking I could mooch of you for the rest of my life.” I chuckled.

“Fat chance.” My mother rolled her eyes.

“Carla, darling? Don’t you think we should get a dog to make up for Eren’s absence? You wouldn’t even notice the difference. They both whine and make a lot of mess.” My father asked, grinning.

“Grisha, we can discuss this later when Eren’s feelings can’t be hurt.”

“I’m right here.” I said, waving from the couch.

“Sorry, Eren.” My mother apologised.

“Look, I’ll talk to Levi. He’ll probably be in the same mindset as you. Just don’t cry when I’m gone.”

“We wo--” My mother elbowed my dad in the ribs.

_Again. Rude._

* * *

 

**_ BACK TO PRESENT: _ **

Needless to say Levi agreed with my mother about moving out, which brings us to this situation.

We’re buying groceries for an apartment we found up the road from the Mall. It was convenient, the apartment was clean, and we had a lot of space.

_It could always be worse, right?_

I think Levi liked it because it was close to a Dunkin’ Donuts.

_Fucking donut freak of a husband, I swear._

“Okay, so we’ve got bread, milk, cereal, tea and chicken. What else do we need?” Levi asked, looking at the shopping list.

“You remind me of milk ‘cuz you’re doing my body good.” I said, looking at the frozen goods.

“Eren, now is not the time. What about some soda?”

“Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious.” I turned back to Levi, grinning.

“Eren, focus. We need food. Now what else do we need?”

“Ice-cream.” I said, eyes darting back to the frozen goods.

“Eren, we don’t need ice-cream.”

“Yes, we do.” I pushed.

“No, we don’t, Eren.”

“It’s calling for me, Levi.” I whispered.

“Then ignore it.”

“I can’t, it’s crying for me.” I pouted.

“Eren we can’t afford it.”

“Yes, we can.” I whined.

“No, we can’t. Our parents only gave us a limited amount of money to get us on our feet because we need to find jobs ASAP.”

_Shit, we do._

“What were you thinking of doing?” I asked him, ice-cream forgotten.

“I’m not sure. Probably something to do with the law, like a police officer.”

I snorted.

“That’s ironic.”

“Shut up, you fuck.” He scowled at me.

I kept giggling.

“What about you, what does Mr. Eren JAZ want to be?” He asked, looking around the store.

_I like the sound of that name._

“Maybe like a fireman.” I said, not really sure. That’s what I wanted to be at the moment. It could change.

“A fireman.” He deadpanned.

“Yes.”

“You.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes.”

“Okay.” He turned back to the shopping list.

I could see what he was getting at. We moved to New York for my track career, so it makes little sense to focus on something else. However, dreams change on a dime, and that’s what happened to me. I’ll still run and all that, but I need to find a job that pays decent money and is actually realistic.

He sighed after a moment.

“You can go get the ice-cream.”

_Fuck yes._

* * *

 

“Is your name Dunkin’? ‘cuz I donut want to spend another day without you.” I said as we left the store. Dunkin’ Donuts was in sight, and I was enjoying teasing Levi.

“Don’t talk to me about donuts. I need to curb my addiction.”

“Why the sudden change of tune about donuts?” I asked, genuinely curious. It probably would last long.

“I need save money, and wasting money on donuts every time I pass Dunkin’ Donuts is not good for my wallet.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“Plus I need to get back into shape. You too.” He said, glancing up and down at my body.

“I’m in perfect shape, thank you very much.” I was, actually. I was toned, tanned, fit and ready.

_Turn it up ‘cuz it’s getting heavy… wow wow West Coast._

“You might be fit, but you have to be extremely fit to be a fireman or similar.” He said, pushing the shopping cart along.

“Fair point, however, I think we should indulge ourselves before we take any drastic action to our diet.” I said, glancing back at Dunkin’ Donuts.

“We need to choose when we stop, though. Plus we have to stick to it.” He said. I could see his self-control failing. “However, today is not that day.”

_Knew it._

I ended up ordering a cinnamon donut, and Levi being the donut freak he is, bought a pink sprinkles one **and** a custard filled one.

_You gon get diabetes, Levi._

“Hey, Levi?” I asked, donut in hand.

“Hmm?” He said through a mouthful of donut.

“You’re looking so sweet, you’ve got my eyes glazed over like donuts.” I put the donut up to my eye, looking through the hole.

“Eren, you dork. We’ve been together 5 years, and you’re still as weird as you were then.” He shook his head and chuckled.

“What can I say? It’s a part of my charm.”

“That it is.” He smiled up at me.

_Ah my short little husband._

“Can I buy a pair of sunglasses and have your phone?” I said as we walked past the pharmacy.

“Why?” He asked, confused.

“Because I've been blinded by your beauty. Plus I’ll need your number for insurance purposes.”

He rolled his eyes.

“I see the pick-up lines are back in full force.” He commented, dryly.

“Indeed they are.”

“Got any more before we go home?” He asked. I knew he secretly enjoyed them.

“Just one.”

“Let’s hear it then.” He prompted.

"Your name must be Winter, cause you're about to be coming." I winked.

_Hella yeah._

“Oh my God, Eren.” He almost choked on his donut.

I grinned.

_Game of Thrones for the win._

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, Levi.” I said, finishing my donut with one final bite.

“Hmm?”

“Can we get a dog?” I asked, pouting.

“A dog?” He asked, confused.

“Yes, a dog.”

“Why do we want a dog?” He inquired.

“Because dogs are cool, and I want one.” I supplied.

“Well maybe I don’t want a dog.”

_Don’t be mean, Levi._

“So I can’t have a pet?” I asked, face falling.

“I didn’t say that.”

I perked up instantly.

“What did you mean then?” I asked, trying not to sound too excited.

“Maybe I want a cat, since I’m more of a cat person.” He said, happily munching on the donut as he pushed the shopping cart.

“Cats are snooty, so it’ll be right at home with you.” I laughed, looking over to him.

He shot me a glare. I blew him a kiss.

“Maybe we can get one of both.” I suggested.

“Eren we don’t have the money to support ourselves sufficiently right now, let alone two animals that will probably fight with one another.”

“Please.” I begged.

“No.”

“Please.” I tried again.

“I said no.”

“Pleeeeease.” I whined.

He sighed.

“I’ll think about it.”

_Fuck yes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A cat or a dog. Or both. What will they get, I wonder?  
> (Also, yes I'm making them a police officer and a fireman. It was a reference to Hot Damn, which is of course a lyric from Uptown Funk. I thought it was funny at the time. Don't judge me haha)
> 
> Thank you all again for reading this fic, and all the support you give me. I truly am blessed to have you all as readers.
> 
> If I have left any plot details out, feel free to ask me, and I'll answer. Most of the time it will be answered in future chapters.
> 
> Pick-up lines and facts are welcome once again. I'm also thinking about doing something a little different for this fic, we'll have to see what I can think of.
> 
> Until next time! xx


	3. You and Me Baby Ain't Nothing But Mammals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to the shelter results in an addition to the family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! *confetti*  
> Hope you've all had a great week and enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Many thanks to galaxy_burgers and murakamism (VintageHandle) for the pick-up lines. You rock!
> 
> Enjoy! xx

**_ EREN POV: _ **

“So have you finally decided on a cat or dog?” I asked from the sofa.

“No, Eren. I need to get enough money for us to, you know, eat.”

“Come on, Levi. I promise I’ll look after whatever it is we get.” I whined.

“I’m still thinking about it. However, if we do end up getting one, you have to promise to clean up after it. There’s no way in Hell I’m getting my hands dirty.”

“What if we got a cat?” I asked.

“It would be slightly better than a dog. At least cats clean up after themselves.” He shuddered.

“Yeah, but dogs are much more affectionate. As I previously stated, the cat would be snooty. Just like you.”

He shot me a glare.

“Eren, you’re not helping the case.”

“I’ll get a petition and make everyone sign it. I’m that serious about the matter.” I playfully scowled.

“That seems a little drastic.”

“That’s how serious I am.” I countered.

Levi sighed.

“Okay. I’ll take you to the animal shelter tomorrow afternoon, how does that sound?” He finally gave in.

_How does that sound? Fucking awesome!_

I ran up to him, enveloping his body in a bone-crushing hug. I may have lifted him off the ground, his legs dangling a foot or so in the air.

“Thank you, Levi! That’s awesome! I didn’t think you’d actually say yes!”

I could practically feel his eye roll.

“No worries, Eren. The answer was always going to be yes anyway. I just enjoyed keeping you guessing.” He said, legs still dangling.

_That asshole._

“Rude.”

“How about I tell you a pick-up line to make up for it?” He asked. I felt him grin.

_I’m okay with that._

He chuckled.

“Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe.”

_Oh, we’re playing science nerd are we?_

“I swear to God, if Hange jumps out somewhere.” I looked around the apartment for any sign of movement. There was none.

“Relax. She’s probably out speed dating or some shit.”

“A regular occurrence?” I asked.

“For the last month or so.”

“Any luck?” I cocked a hip out.

“She brought home a bodybuilder once.”

_Huh? What the fuck? That’s random._

“Did it end up going anywhere?”

“Nah. He stole her protein shakes when she was on that diet thing, remember that?” He asked, making a sandwhich.

I remembered very clearly. Hange was fucking toned. It was a sight to see. I remember leaning over to Levi and saying that you could probably break your hand if you punched those abs. He dared me to try it.

I did.

Hange punched me back.

It wasn’t pretty.

“Hey Levi?” I asked.

“Hmm?”

“Are you a gardener? I want to plant my seed in your soil.” I put every ounce of a suggestive tone in my voice.

“For God’s sake, Eren. It’s been five and a half years.”

“And I’m still not half way through the pick-up lines.” I said, victoriously.

“Motherfuck. Jesus give me strength”

* * *

 

Today was the day.

We were going to the animal shelter.

I had asked Levi what we were actually thinking of getting, and he didn’t have an answer. All he said to me was:

“I don’t mind what we get, as long as it’s not a snake, bug or a goddamn shark.”

“But--” He cut me off.

“No sharks.”

* * *

 

“Hello and welcome to Trost Animal Shelter. My name is Krista and I’ll be helping you pick out a new family member. What were you thinking of taking home?”

This ‘Krista’ was short—shorter than Levi, and had very soft looking blonde hair. I wanted to touch it.

Sue me.

Levi spoke up.

“We were torn between a cat and a dog. Which would you recommend?”

“It depends on your home environment and abilities. Cats are pretty versatile, and can live wherever. Dogs are a little bit harder to manage and keep in smaller spaces. When they’re puppies it’s fine, but as they get bigger you’ll have to make some arrangements.” She smiled.

Both Levi and I nodded.

“So what are you thinking, Eren?” Levi turned to me.

“I’m still torn. Do you want to start with the cats, and I’ll start with the dogs? Then we can switch, and see if any of them catch our eye.”

“Sounds like the best plan.” He agreed.

Krista nodded her head.

I’ll go with you,” She indicated to me. “Ymir will take you.” She told Levi.

We both nodded our heads, and I whispered to Levi.

“Who’s Ymir?”

He shrugged.

“Ymir?” Krista called. “Can you come out here?”

“Sure thing.” A voice called.

A tall, thin woman walked out a few moments later. I assumed it was Ymir.

“Can you take this gentleman,” She pointed to Levi. “To the cat enclosures?”

Ymir nodded.

“Come with me.” She walked away. Her tone left no room for argument.

Levi walked quickly behind her. I had never seen him so… startled.

_She was like a fucking Amazon._

“Now then,” Krista spoke up. “Let’s go see the dogs.”

“Let’s.”

* * *

 

There were so many dogs here, it was honestly a little sad. There was every type of breed you could imagine, each making a noise louder than the last. My heart sank for the poor creatures.

I would adopt them all if I could.

Krista and I walked slowly up and down the aisles of dog cages. None of them really caught my eye, which was a little disheartening. I really wanted a dog.

That’s when I saw it.

The one I had been looking for.

It was white with a little bit of brown on its head. It had the most beautiful, striking and piercing eyes I had ever seen. The eyes rivalled Levi’s.

The puppy’s eyes were the same colour as Levi’s.

It was perfect.

My heart swelled. I knew I was a goner for this little puff of fur.

“That one.” I pointed to the cage.

“Oh, nice choice. She walked over to the holding. Do you know what breed it is?” She asked.

I shook my head.

“It’s a husky.”

A husky. It was beautiful.

“This is the one I’ve chosen… or rather, it’s chosen me.” I said, looking longingly at it.

Krista giggled.

“Indeed it has.”

She took the tiny puff out of the cage and handed it over to me. It let out a whine and I instantly cooed it, whispering into its ear.

“It’s okay, little guy. I’m taking you home today. You’re gonna live with me and Levi. Levi has eyes just like yours. God, you’re so amazing. I think I love you already.”

Krista watched my little show with a smile on her face.

“He’s very lucky to have you.”

“Levi or the dog?” I asked, not looking away.

“Both.”

I smiled.

“More like I’m lucky to have him.” I whispered.

“Levi or the dog?” She mimicked, a smile on her lips.

“Both.”

That’s when the little shit… I mean darling stuck its tongue into my mouth like some strange French kiss. I pulled back, startled.

“You’re not supposed to make out with the dog.” Krista covered her face, laughing into her hand.

_Fuck my life. If only Levi were here. He’d tease me to no end._

* * *

 

**_ LEVI POV: _ **

“Your husband has really nice eyes.” Ymir said, still walking.

I looked up at her back, quirking an eyebrow.

“Indeed he does. How did you know he was my husband?” I asked.

“The matching rings.”

“Ah.” I nodded.

We fell into silence.

“You know, there’s a kitten here somewhere with eyes like that.” She spoke up.

“There is?”

“Yeah. I’ll take you to him.” She increased her pace.

I followed after her quickly, wanting to see this kitten. I doubted there was anything that could replicate Eren’s eye colour.

Apparently I was wrong.

There, in one of the cages was one of the smallest kittens I had ever seen with the greenest shade of emerald eyes that had probably been invented. It’s fur was as black as midnight, allowing for a stark contrast in colour.

“Wow.” I breathed.

It reminded me so much of Eren, as sappy as that sounded.

“Does it have a name?” I asked.

Ymir shook her head.

I nodded mine.

“I’ll take it.” I whispered.

She had a hint of a smile on her lips.

“Thought you might.”

She walked over to the cage and took out the kitten, gently placing it into my arms.

“Hey little guy.” I whispered. It was true. I had a soft spot for cats.

It let out a tiny mew.

My heart melted.

“Are you going to come home with me and cause mischief for Eren?” I asked, kissing its tiny head.

The same little mew came out in response.

I knew it was a yes.

“Come on.” Ymir said. “Let’s go get the paperwork.”

I couldn’t have agreed more quickly.

* * *

 

**_ EREN POV: _ **

Krista and I walked back to the main counter where all the paperwork was set up.

It seemed they knew we would be taking home an animal.

I glanced back and saw Levi walk up with Ymir. He had a tiny black kitten in his arms.

_Make that animals._

“Levi?”

“Eren. Who’s that?” He pointed to the puppy.

“I haven’t decided on a name yet. Who’s that?” I pointed to the kitten.

He smiled.

“I haven’t thought of a name either.”

I laughed lightly.

“Do you think they’ll fight?” I asked, looking down at the wide eyed animals.

They seemed to be calm for the moment.

“I think they’ll be fine. I heard if you raise them together they learn to become comfortable with each other.”

I nodded.

“Let’s get the paperwork done. I want to introduce our babies to their new homes.” I said, walking over to the desk.

“I couldn’t agree more.”

* * *

 

Once the paperwork was done, we bid Ymir and Krista farewell and loaded our babies into the car. They were a little shaken at first, but soon they settled down. I was so glad they were coming home with us.

“Levi?”

“Mmm?” He replied.

“Thank you.” I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

He blushed slightly.

“Any time.”

“No, really. Thank you. You give in to all my whims and I can’t thank you enough.”

“I know a way you can thank me.” He said. I saw a smirk in the corner of his mouth.

_Oh no._

“How?” I asked.

“A blowjob is always nice.”

“Levi! Not in front of the kids!” I turned to the back seat to see both the animals snuggling up against each other.

I think my heart burst from the cuteness.

“They’re animals, Eren.” He deadpanned.

“They’re still my babies.”

He rolled his eyes.

“What am I going to do with you?” He flicked my ear.

“Hopefully watch me become a Bara fireman.” I winked.

“Bara? With those itty bitty muscles?” He laughed. “Even my mother has bigger muscles than that.”

“You’re going to have to get fit if you want to be a policeman.” I countered.

“Nah. I’ll just walk around and arrest people who bug me.” He winked. “Including you.”

I huffed.

Then a grinned spread across my face.

“You're under arrest for breaking and entering... my heart.”

“For fuck sake, Eren.” He hit his head against the steering wheel.

“Levi! Not in front of the kids!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed.  
> Yes! Eren and Levi got both. I couldn't decide so they got both. The more the merrier, ammirite?
> 
> Oh! and you guys can name the kitten and puppy if you want! Comment a name and that could be the name of either animal! 
> 
> I have pictures!
> 
> Eren's Husky: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/34/cc/d8/34ccd828efbb6751e170120896ca8a2b.jpg  
> Levi's Cat: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/5a/81/55/5a81550021876feed18649d0f253db73.jpg
> 
> See you next update!


	4. Weeb.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi bring the kids home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! *confetti*  
> Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I've been battling a terrible cold and had to rest up.  
> However, I'm back! I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Thanks to Jellybean1196 for the ATLA pick-up lines. They were awesome.
> 
> Enjoy! xx

**_ EREN POV: _ **

“Look, Levi! They’re curled up together! Look!” I exclaimed, watching my precious babies snore quietly.

“Eren, I’m driving. If I turn around I’ll crash the car.”

“Good point.” I said, nodding.

“Anyway, I can see them in the rear-view mirror.”

_Oh yeah._

Both the little kitten of Levi’s and my husky were currently curled up together, sleeping soundly. It seemed like they were the best of friends. I should take a picture…. For future memories, of course.

Maybe I’ll take a selfie.

I pulled out my phone to take a selfie with the kids, and Levi shot me a look.

“Are you seriously taking a selfie with the animals?” He asked, looking at me from the corner of his eye.

“Yes.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Sometimes I swear you’re still seventeen.” He sighed.

“I still feel seventeen.”

“Figures.” He chuckled.

“Mhmm. Have you decided on a name yet for the kitten?” I asked, looking back at the bambini.

“Yes, actually.” He said, a small smile on his lips.

“What is it?”

“I’ll tell you when we get home.” He said, eyes on the road.

“But I want to know now.”

“Eren, for once in your life can you just wait? There’s literally five minutes left to go.” He sighed.

“Levi” I whined. “I want to know now.”

“I’ll give you the first letter. Nothing more.”

_Fuck yes._

“Okay.” I said.

“It starts with a ‘K’.”

“Karen?” I guessed. Karen is a good name.

He scoffed.

“Yes, Eren. I named my cat Karen.”

“It was just a guess.” I said, defensively.

“Guess again.”

“Kat.” I tried.

“Yes.”

“Really?” I asked, surprised.

“No.”

“Ugh. Levi, just tell me.” I whined.

“Why don’t you tell me what you’re going to name the dog?”

“It’s a secret.” I grinned.

“Uh huh.”

“If you won’t tell me, then I won’t tell you.” It seemed fair to me.

“Well, it looks like we both won’t have to wait long. We’re here.” He said, pulling up into the driveway.

_Oh. So we are._

“Grab the kids and I’ll open the door.” He said, getting out of the car.

“Aye Aye, Captain.” I mumbled.

I saw the side of Levi’s mouth twitch.

“I can’t hear you.”

“Aye Aye, Captain.” I said louder, a grin on my face.

“As much as I’d like to sing Spongebob with you, I need to open the door.”

“Right.” I nodded.

He walked to the front door whilst I opened the car door to retrieve the kids, who were still sleeping soundly.

“Come on, kiddies. Let’s go inside.” I whispered to the babies.

I received a mew and a whine in response.

_Fuckin’ Ace Ventura right here._

I scooped the kitten into my left arm, and the puppy under my right. The puppy started to squirm and I feared I would drop him.

“Levi?” I called.

“Yeah?”

“Open the door – like… now.” I said, holding onto the puppy for dear life.

“Chill, Eren.” He called back.

“I don’t want to drop him, Levi.”

“The door is open anyway.” He said, voice fading.

I powerwalked to the door and set the puppy down, watching him look around the room and wag his tail.

“Put the kitten in the lounge and I’ll join you in a second.” I heard him call from the other room.

“Okay.”

I walked with the kitten under the arm and the puppy by my heel. It seemed he had already gotten attached to me.

_Score five for Jaeger._

I sat the kitten down on the armchair and watched it groom itself.

_Looks just like Levi when it does that. Always cleaning._

“Okay, Eren. I’m here.” Levi said.

“Sit down. I want to find out the names.”

“Okay, okay.” He sat down next to me on the couch.

“Okay. You first.” I said, eagerly.

He rolled his eyes.

“Fine. I’ve decided to name the cat Kuro.” He smiled lightly.

“Kuro?” I asked, confused.

“Yes. It means black in Japanese.” He informed me.

I looked at him with a straight face.

“Levi, you fucking weeb.” I deadpanned.

“I’m not a weeb, Eren. You’re the weeb.”

“Am not.” I defended.

“You’re the one who’s devoted to all those mangos and animes.”

“It’s manga.” I corrected.

“See? Weeb.”

“You’re just jealous you don’t have my extensive knowledge of Avatar: The Last Airbender.” I stuck my nose into the air.

“I know enough to know that it didn’t hold my interest.” He said, rolling his eyes.

I took an intake of breath – very dramatically, I might add.

“Excuse me. ATLA is the shit.”

“What happened to not swearing in front of the kids?” He asked.

“I gave up.”

He chuckled.

“Anyway. Tell me what you’re going to call the puppy.” He said, turning his attention back to me.

“Well.”

“Yes?” He coaxed.

“After much deliberation and deciding.”

“Uh huh?” He was waiting.

“I have decided on the name of...”

“Of?” He seemed a little annoyed now.

I cleared my throat, throwing my hands in the air.

“Snowball.”

“You’ve got to be fucking with me.” I heard Levi say under his breath.

“Nope. I’m being serious.”

“So I give the kitten a name that actually sounds half decent, and honours you and your weebness, and you decide on ‘Snowball’ for the dog?” He deadpanned.

“Yup.”

“Remind me why I’m married to you, again?” He sighed.

“Because your blow-up doll hadn’t come in the mail yet.”

His cheeks tinged pink.

“Eren!”

“What?” I grinned.

“That’s… I’m going to get you back for that.”

“You wish. When?” I played along with him.

“When you least expect it.”

“I’m shaking.” The sarcasm dripped from my voice.

“You better be.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Enough of that. Grab Kuro and…. Snowball, and put them in the laundry room. I‘ve already set up and litterbox and food.”

_Damn. Is that what he was doing?_

“You’re prepared.” I observed.

“I had to be. You’re the most forgetful person I know.”

“That’s an exaggeration.” I was offended.

“It’s an understatement.”

“Don’t be rude.” I scowled.

“Don’t be a weeb.”

“I’m not a fucking weeb, Levi.” I hissed.

“Prove it. I know you’ve been looking up ATLA pick-up lines on the sly. Tell me one.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I think he found out. Shit. I knew I should have cleared my browser history.

He lifted an eyebrow.

“I…”

He tapped his foot.

I couldn’t take it. He opened himself up for the pick-up lines, and boy, did I have many I’d like to share.

"I might not be a water bender, but I bet I could bloodbend your dick up."

He snorted.

“Wow, Eren. I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“You asked for it.” I said, exasperated.

“I asked for it because I have a few of my own.” He grinned.

_Wait, what?_

"They call me the waterbender because I can make anyone wet with a few hand motions." He winked.

My jaw fell open.

_That fucking weeb trash. I swear to God._

"Are you sure that you aren't a firebender? Because damn you’re hot.” I got him back.

“I knew it. You fucking weeb.”

“Okay then, Levi” I drew out the ‘I’ in his name. “I challenge you to a weeb pick-up line war.”

“Eren, we’ve been going at this war for over five years. This is nothing new.” He said, sitting back down on the couch.

“Ah, but it is, Levi.” I grinned. “This is a **weeb** pick-up line war.”

He snorted.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise it was a **weeb** pick-up line war.”

“Just tell me your pick-up lines so I can laugh when you cry after you lose.” I whined.

“Eren, we need to look after the kids. You know, Kuro and… Snowbutt.”

“It’s Snowball.” I corrected.

“Snowballoon.”

“Levi!”

He laughed.

“Okay, fine. If I win, you have to make me some donuts.” He bargained.

“Deal. If I win, you have to wear a shirt that says ‘Eren is the pick-up line meister.”

“Pfft. Fine.” He agreed.

“Ready?”

“Yes.” He got comfortable.

“If you go out with me, I’ll treat you how I treat my Pocky. I’ll spend a lot of money on you, bring you home and finish you off within 5 minutes before I lay in bed crying myself to sleep.” I said. It was the weeb-est thing I could think of.

“Do you have a tampon I can put in my nostril? Because my nose started bleeding when I saw you.” He countered, without batting an eye.

“God, Levi. That’s terrible.” I laughed.

“So do I win?” He asked.

“No.”

“But it was good.” He pouted.

“You didn’t win.”

“Fine. I’m going to go check on the kids. You stay here and be the little weeb that you just admitted you are.” He got up off the couch.

“I--”

He left.

_Stupid gnome_

“Eren? Do you want me to get a collar with Snowbutt’s name on it?” Levi called.

“HIS NAME IS SNOWBALL.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes. Kuro and Snowbutt... I mean Snowball.  
> Thank you everyone who sent in a name for the kids. I loved them all, and have very special uses for them in future *wink wink*
> 
> Fell free to send in those pick-up lines and to suggest stuff. Levi and Eren never have a boring day with your suggestions :) xx
> 
> Until next time!


	5. Home Life.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a normal home day for these dorks... mostly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone *confetti*  
> Hope you've all had a great week.  
> I present another chapter!
> 
> Enjoy! xx

* * *

**_ EREN POV: _ **

It was a new day - The sun was shining, the birds were singing…

_Fuck that shit. I’m going back to bed._

I rolled over in the bed, eyes closed, and arm reaching out to find Levi. My arm wrapped around something soft, fuzzy and warm, and I assumed it was Levi’s head. I moved forward to kiss the top of his head. Before I got to the top of his head, he moved and licked my lips.

_Oh? So he’s affectionate this morning?_

I moved closer, opening my mouth for him.

“God, Levi. You’re like my own personal brand of heroin.” I whispered.

There was suddenly a tongue licking the inside of my mouth.

_Uh… a little overeager, are we?_

He smelt like dog food.

_Why does he smell like dog food?_

“Uh, Eren?” I heard Levi’s voice.

“Why do you smell like dog food?” I asked, eyes still closed.

“It’s not me in the bed. Also, did you just quote Twilight? Was that supposed to turn me on?”

My eyes snapped open, and staring back at me was Snowball.

_What the fuck?_

I quickly wiped my mouth with my arm, cursing internally.

“Damn, Eren. I was getting jealous. That was some serious tongue going on there.”

“Shut up.” I hissed, looking up at him.

“Wish I had a camera.”

_Go away._

“Anyway, I’ll leave you to continue lip-locking with Snowbutt. I’m making omelettes.” He said.

“His name is Snowball.” I grumbled, turning over and burying my face in the pillow.

“I dunno, Eren. Maybe we should re-name him Frenchie.”

_Huh?_

“Why Frenchie?” I asked.

“Because he looked like he was giving you the French Kiss of a lifetime.”

_Oh, fuck you._

I whipped up in the bed, spooking Snowball, and throwing the pillow at Levi, who was standing at the door.

It missed.

“Try better next time.” He winked, walking away from the bedroom.

I sighed, falling back onto my pillow.

_This family, I swear to God._

I turned my head to Snowball.

“What is it with you and sticking your tongue into my mouth?”

I received no reply.

_It’s because he’s a dog, Eren._

I need more sleep.

* * *

 

Waking up a good half hour later, I moved from the bed to join Levi for breakfast.

_I hope my omelette isn’t cold._

“I reheated your omelette a few minutes ago so you wouldn’t complain.” Levi murmured as he took a sip of his tea, eyes not leaving the newspaper.

_He knows me so well._

“Thank you.” I leaned over to kiss him.

He put a hand to my lips.

“I don’t want to kiss where Snowbutt’s been.” He said.

_Let him just call the dog Snowbutt. There’s no point in arguing the point._

“I brushed my teeth.”

“I don’t care.” He retorted.

“Levi.”

“No.” There was no budging.

“I’ll buy you donuts.”

He went silent.

_Got him._

“No.” He said.

“Please?”

“Eren, eat your omelette. It’s getting cold.” He sighed, turning the page.

“Omelette you suck this dick.” I winked.

“Highly unlikely, now eat.”

“Fine.” I huffed.

I took the omelette from the microwave, only to retract my hands a moment later.

“Careful, the plate is hot.”

_No shit, Sherlock._

“You could have warned me earlier.” I said, glaring at him over my shoulder.

He took his eyes off the newspaper and shot me a smirk.

“Didn’t I?”

_I married a sadist. Lord help me._

“No, you didn’t.”

“Sorry.” He wasn’t sorry.

“No you’re not.”

“Not really.” He admitted.

“My heart is breaking.”

“Go get Frenchie to make you feel better.” He chuckled into his tea.

_You didn’t…_

“Maybe I will.”

“K.” He went back to his paper.

“Asshole.”

“Beastie.” He replied.

“Beastie?”

“Short for bestiality.” He supplied me.

_Okay. You’ve brought this one yourself._

“Can I punch you in the face?” I paused “…with my lips?”

_Don’t mess with me and my pick-up lines._

“No.”

“Fine. No more sex for you.” I threatened.

“I’m weeping.”

“If you need me, I’ll be in **my** room.” I said, flipping my hair.

“K. Bye.”

_I swear to God._

* * *

 

It’s been an hour and I’m bored out of my mind.

Why did I decide to boycott Levi?

Why am I just sitting here like I’m in time out?

“Leviii” I called.

No reply.

“Leviiii” I called again.

Still no reply.

“Where the Hell is he?”

I got up off the bed and walked into the kitchen. He wasn’t there.

“Leviii?”

_Oh look. A note._

“Dearest Eren, my wonderful little Left Shark, my meme-loving fuck, my weeb. I’m still not sorry for earlier. It was far too much fun to mess with you. If you’re still mad, there’s ice-cream in the freezer. I’ve just gone to the store for milk and pet food. I’ll be back in ten. 

Remember, I love you more than anything and if you choose to replace me with Snowbutt, I completely understand. You’ve made the wrong decision because he’s a fucking dog, but I understand.

Love you lots,

Levi.

He left me a note.

I mean, it was sweet and everything, but damn. Calling me a weeb. How dare he?

He did say there was ice-cream, though.

_Excellent._

I walked (ran) to the freezer, opening it and seeing the ice-cream. It was Cookies n’ Cream.

_Fuck yes._

I grabbed a spoon and opened the lid. It was untouched.

I lifted the spoon to my mouth, and the front door opened.

“Eren, put down the ice-cream. You’ll spoil your lunch.”

_Fuck my life. Why can’t the universe just leave me alone?_

* * *

 

“How was it?” He asked.

“The question is not ‘How was it?’ but rather ‘What was it?’” I retorted.

“It was a quickie.”

“A quickie…” I was lost.

_He means a quiche. He’s still making fun of you for that mistake all those years ago._

“It didn’t taste like a quiche.” I said, scowling at the realisation.

“I added bacon.”

“I knew there was something else in there.” I said.

“So was it good?”

“I dunno. Maybe you should ask Kuro.” I narrowed my eyes.

“Kuro didn’t eat the quiche.”

“Well…. I have Snowball and you have Kuro. You’ve been replaced. I’m sure Snowball will appreciate my affections.” I said.

“Do you think he’ll mind the certain shortages, though?”

“Well, you know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain shortages? Well, I don’t even own a car.” I winked at him.

_Nailed it._

He shook his head with a chuckle.

“Oh, Eren. Come on, let’s eat dessert.”

“What’s for dessert?” I asked.

_Please say the ice-cream._

“Donuts.”

_God dammit._

I sighed.

“Okay. Bring on the donuts.” I said.

“Go sit on the couch.”

“What? Why?” I asked, confused.

“They’re going to be eaten in a different way.”

_I… huh?_

“Just do it.” He said.

I removed myself from the table, walking to the lounge and sitting on the couch. Levi appeared moments later with a box of donuts in his hands.

“Relax, Eren.” He cooed.

“Kind of hard to do when you gave me cryptic information.”

“You’ll just have to trust me.” He was totally smirking.

“Sometimes I wonder if I do.”

“Well start.” He sat down adjacent to me, opening the box of donuts.

“This is my way of saying sorry for earlier.” He brought the donut to my lips, dragging it across and coating them in sugar.

I gulped.

“Open your mouth.”

_Well, there goes my blood flow._

I did as he instructed, opening my mouth for him to place the side of the donut in.

“Now bite.”

I bit the donut, tearing a piece off and chewing.

_This is strangely erotic._

Levi did the same, taking the donut up and taking a bite. I could see the sugar glistening on his lips.

I tried not to stare.

_Who am I kidding? He’s my husband. I’m allowed to have these thoughts. Snap out of it, Eren._

Levi brought the donut back up to his lips, this time letting it hang from his teeth.

“Go on,” He said around the donut. “Take a bite.”

_Jesus Christ._

I moved forward, taking the donut between my teeth so that our lips were inches apart. We continued to eat the donut this way. I could tell I was definitely getting make-up sex later.

_Fuck yes._

Levi reached his hands to grasp the sides of my face. My hands rested on top of his.

I closed my eyes, waiting for the donut to finish so I could lick the sugar from his lips.

_God. I missed this._

I heard Levi sighed as I assumed he closed his eyes too.

That’s when it happened.

Snowball jumped on to the couch and stole the remainder of the donut right from our mouths. Both mine and Levi’s eyes snapped open with surprise, the moment ruined.

Snowball had the audacity to run away, donut still in his mouth.

_The little shit._

“Damn, he’s so jealous.” Levi breathed, next to me.

“You’re not angry?” I asked.

“Eren. We have a whole box of donuts.”

_Oh yeah._

“I’ll just get another o--” He turned back to the box and stopped mid-sentence. “There’s no more.”

“Huh?” I was confused.

“The little shit ate them all.”

“And we didn’t even notice?” I asked.

“We were a little preoccupied.” The sarcasm was evident.

“So… now what?”

“We have ice-cream for dessert still. That’s if you haven’t eaten it all.” He said.

“I haven’t actually.”

“Then let’s eat the ice-cream.” He got up off the couch.

“Are we going to do anything special with the ice-cream?” I wiggled my eyebrows.

“Knowing our luck? Kuro will probably sneak up and eat it whilst we’re not looking, so no.”

I let out a pained groan.

_Why are my fur babies such cock-blocks?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cock-blocking my characters seems to be my forte.  
> Don't worry though, smut will come in due time. I don't actually do this intentionally haha. It just writes itself that way.
> 
> Thank you everyone for all your kind comments! They all mean so much to me and honestly, I don't deserve them! You're all so nice. xx
> 
> Keep sending in those horrible pick-up lines! xx
> 
> Until next time.


	6. Pillows and Phone Calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> Short-ish chapter today, since I had nothing to do. 
> 
> Exams are almost over, guys! You can do it! xx
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter.

**_ Eren POV: The Next Day.  _ **

I woke up the next morning to the phone ringing in the living room. Wrenching the covers off me, I noticed a Levi was still asleep.

_Aww. He's so cute when he sleeps... When he isn't a leech, that is._

I ran to the living room, catching the phone on its last ring.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Eren? It's me." A voice said on the other line.

_No... It can't be..._

"ARMIN?!"

I heard him laugh on the other side of the line.

"Yeah. It's me. Long time no speak, hey?" He asked.

"Of course! Armin, we lost touch after Levi and I moved to New York!"

"I heard about that. So how are you and Levi?" There was shuffling in the background. I assumed he was making himself comfortable.

"Pretty good, actually. We have our moments, but it's only because we love each other." "

That's great," I knew he was smiling. "So when's he going to put a ring on it?"

"That's the thing, Arm. He already has." I said, proudly.

There was a pause in the conversation.

"He what?"

"I've been married to him for a few months now." I told him.

"And why wasn't I invited to the wedding?" He sounded a little offended.

"We lost touch."

"That's no excuse." There was a smile in his voice.

_Phew._

"Speaking of which, how did you get ahold of me?" I asked.

"I... Well... Your mom reached out. She found my number in the phone book."

"God, Armin. Who still uses a phone book?" I laughed. What is this? 1990?

"I do, and so does your mom."

My lips curved into a smile. It was nice to talk to Armin again after all these years.

"I've missed you, Arm." I said.

"I've missed you too, Eren." He replied.

"When are you coming to visit?" I teased.

"That's the thing," he laughed nervously. "I'm boarding a plane tomorrow to come and see you guys."

_He's what?_

"Seriously?!"

"Deadly serious." He answered.

_This is awesome._

"Wow," I breathed. "How's Mikasa?"

God, I missed Mikasa. She was like my sister when we were all together.

_I wonder how she's doing..._

"She's coming too."

"She's what now?" I was shocked.

_The gang was going to be together again!_

"Mikasa's coming with me to visit you guys."

"That's..." I was speechless.

"Let's just hope she gets the okay to fly." He sounded a little worried.

"Why? Is she hurt or something?"

"No..." He sounded a little embarrassed. "She's pregnant."

_Holy mother of fuck..._

"She's pregnant?!" I all but yelled.

"Yeah... Ten weeks."

"I..."

_I couldn't believe it. Oh my God._

"Who's the father?" I asked, hesitantly.

_Please don't let it be Jean. Please don't let it be Jean._

I heard shuffling on the other end of the line.

"Well..."

"Well?!" I prompted.

"I am."

_Oh my Jesus Fucking Christ..._

"So... Uh... Congrats. " I didn't know what to say.

I heard laughing.

"Thanks, Eren."

"You gonna put a ring on it or...?" I asked.

"I have already."

_Mother fuck..._

It's safe to say I passed out.

 _Don't judge me. I just found out my two best friends are married to one another and are expecting a baby._ _Who drops a bombshell like that on their friend?_

"Uh? Hello?" Armin's voice called on the phone.

* * *

 

The ground is very hard. I don't recommend sleeping on it.

_Fuck._

"Eren?" I heard Levi's voice.

I let out a groan.

"What?"

"Why are you on the floor?" He asked.

"I... Armin called."

"The blonde coconut?" He clarified.

"Yeah."

"What did he want?" Levi sat down on the couch.

I sat up on the ground.

"He's coming to visit us in New York with Mikasa."

"Your other best friend? I remember her." He said, crossing his legs. He was in his dressing gown.

"Yeah. They're married to one another and are expecting a baby."

Levi paused, then let out a quiet whistle.

"Didn't think he had it in him."

"Levi!" I said, jaw popping open.

"What?"

"That's Armin you're talking about." Poor little innocent Armin.

"I know. He's the same one you used to make me jealous when Isabel came to visit. He dropped that wicked pick-up line on us."

"I remember." I laughed.

_Dear God do I remember. I think Armin shocked us all._

"So when are they coming?" Levi asked.

"Their plane leaves tomorrow."

"That doesn't give us much time to prepare." He said, frowning.

"I know, but they're my best friends. I haven't seen them in years."

Levi smiled softly at me.

"I know. I'll try go set up a guest room, otherwise they'll be sleeping on the couch with Snowbutt."

_Poor Snowball. He was forced to sleep on the couch for the time being until he outgrew his French Kissing habit._

I missed him.

"I'm sure Armin would love that." I rolled my eyes.

"It's the best I can do under the circumstances."

_Levi is honestly the best..._

"I know," I got to my feet and kissed his forehead. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me, I'm just doing what makes you happy."

"You do so much for me, and I hardly do a thing for you. You must get tired of that." I was suddenly a little sad.

_What a lousy husband I am._

"You do a lot more than you realise, Eren."

"Really?" I looked at him, hopeful.

He nodded.

"Like what?" I asked.

"I can't tell you, otherwise you'll stop doing other things to try make me happy. I have to keep you guessing." He winked.

_Not fair._

"Fine then," I pouted. "I'm going to go eat some more ice-cream."

"There's no more." I stopped in my tracks.

"What do you mean 'there's no more'?" I pronounced every syllable precisely.

"I ate the rest of it yesterday." He smirked.

"You didn't.."

"Oh, but I did." He had the audacity to wink.

"My ice-cream." I whined.

"If it makes you feel any better, it tasted really good."

_That doesn't make me feel any better, you midget cretin._

I let out a frustrated yell and grabbed a couch cushion from the couch.

"You're dead." I moved towards him, pillow in tow. I was going to make him pay.

I briefly saw surprise in his eyes, then he sprang off the couch, turned around and tried to run to the bedroom.

He was too slow, however. I caught him, and he fell to the ground.

"Eren!" He laughed. "Have mercy!"

"No! You ate my ice-cream!" I punctuated each word with a hit of the pillow to his trapped body.

"Eren!" He laughed, trying to wriggle away.

"Say sorry."

"No." That damn smile of his.

I hit him with the pillow.

"Say sorry."

He was laughing so hard he had trouble getting the words out.

"N-no.... Ere-n...s-stop."

"Apologise, you midget cretin." I growled.

"S-sorry." He had tears of laughter running down his cheeks.

_Ha. I win._

"You better be." I said, letting him up.

"I'm not." He chuckled.

With my ninja fast reflexes, I turned around and delivered a blow to the back of his head with the pillow. He continued to laugh, making an escape to the bedroom.

_God, what am I going to do with him? I think there was something in his tea._

I shook my head.

_Oh, Levi._

The phone rung again and I picked it up on the second ring.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Eren? Me again." It was Armin.

"What is it, Arm?"

"I got the dates for the flight wrong." He sounded bashful.

"Oh, okay. When do you fly then?"

"...later tonight." He said, quietly.

_Oh._

"That isn't a problem," I lied. "I'll just tell Levi."

 _Dammit. Now I have to go into Levi territory to try and compromise with him._ _He probably has a pillow ready to hit me with it._

I was at a disadvantage here.

"You do that." Armin said, then bid me goodbye.

_Shit. Right._

"Levi?" I called.

No answer.

He's probably stalking me, waiting for me to let my guard down.

"Levi?" I tiptoed to the bedroom.

The door was closed.

_Shit._

I opened the door slowly. Real slow. I wasn't risking it.

My head peeked in, and I couldn't see him.

_Where is he?_

"Lev--oof" a pillow landed square in my face.

_Dammit._

"Levi!" I wrenched the door open, running right into the firing line.

He was waiting for me, and I was defenceless.

"Levi! I need to call a truce!" I tried to reason out of another pillow attack.

He stopped.

"I'm listening."

"Their flight leaves later tonight, not tomorrow." I said, hands covering my face.

He narrowed his eyes, and whacked me with the pillow.

"Now I need to get it ready earlier. You owe me."

"I know, I know." I said, still covering my face. He hit me with the pillow again.

"Don't worry about it. I wasn't going to do anything today anyway."

I smiled down at him and removed the pillow from my face.

"Thanks, Levi."

Pillow to the face.

"You still owe me."

"I know." I said, ashamed.

"Go make breakfast, and we can go out later for groceries."

"Okay." I nodded.

"I'm still declaring war on you, though."

_Dammit._

"Thought so." I sighed.

Pillow to the face.

_Fuck. Dammit, Armin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you all enjoyed that little bit of marriage fluff and the pillow war.  
> And Armin and Mikasa are coming to visit! I'm so excited.  
> Mikasa's pregnant? Damn, Armin. Haha.
> 
> Thank you all for reading this story! It means a lot to me. You all are so kind :)
> 
> Until next time! xx


	7. National Donut Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June 7th is National Donut Day! Celebrations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone! *confetti*  
> Hope you've all had a good week.  
> Exams are finally over!   
> Strange-ish chapter today, but I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Many thanks to GinjaNinja2499 for the pick-up lines! You rock.
> 
> I noticed this story didn't contain many pick-up lines, so I've hunted some down for you all.
> 
> Enjoy!

**_ EREN POV: Later that night _ **

Armin and Mikasa should be here soon.

Levi had finally summoned up enough civility to work with me to make up the guest bedroom in the apartment. It was kind of small, but it was the best we could do.

Kuro tried to help by biting the pillows. Levi thought it was the cutest thing, but I found it rather annoying. I’m trying to make up a bed and this furball is trying to eat the pillow.

Don’t get me wrong, I like the cat and all, but I’m more of a dog person.

Too bad Kuro has taken a liking to me.

Seriously. I’m waking up in the mornings now with this fuzz on my face. It’s warm, soft and it purrs. It’s Kuro.

But Snowball can’t sleep on the bed with us.

It’s discrimination.

“Hey, Levi?” I asked.

“Mmm?”

“When can Snowball join us on the bed again?”

“He can sleep on the bed, I just don’t want him anywhere near me.” Levi said, sweeping up some dust in the room.

“You’re just worried that he’ll take a liking to you.”

“Exactly. I don’t like dogs.” He said.

“And I don’t like cats, but Kuro is literally stalking me around the house these days.”

“Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it.” I saw a smile etch on his lips.

“Maybe a little.”

“Thought so.”

“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes.

* * *

 

“You know what I’ve noticed?” Levi asked, running a hand through my hair. We were currently laying on the bed, having a lazy rest.

“What?”

“There’s been a dramatic decrease in the number of pick-up lines you bestow upon me.”

_Huh… so there has._

“Do you want me to start it up again?” I asked, a grin on my face.

_I don’t care about the answer. I’m going to keep doing it. I will finally win this war after all these years._

“I'm lactose intolerant so please keep your cheesy pick-up lines away from me.”

“Nope. You asked for it, and it’s my job to deliver.” I said, cracking the bones in my knuckles.

I heard him mutter a “what have I done? I should have kept my mouth shut.”

“It’s too late now.”

“Eren, please. We need to prepare for Armin and Mikasa.” He reasoned.

“They can wait.”

“Eren…” He warned.

“Do you know karate? Cause your body is kickin’.”

“Eren.” His face went stoic.

“Are you an alien? Cause you just abducted my heart.”

“Eren, you’re being a pain in the ass.” He sighed, rolling over on the bed.

“If I'm a pain in your ass, then we can just add more lubricant.”

“Eren, please have mercy. I don’t have time for this.” He sounded so done.

“Are you the dub to my step? Cause' I wub wub wub you.” I tickled his side.

“Eren, you’re ruining National Donut Day.” He laughed, batting my hands away.

“Tremble in the glory of my pick-up li—It’s National Donut Day?”

I saw relief flood into his face.

“Yes. Why don’t you celebrate with me?” He asked.

“What about Armin and Mikasa?”

“Armin texted me. They’re stuck in baggage. Something about a suspicious item inside his suitcase.” Levi said.

“Well, I’m not surprised… hang on… how does he have your number?”

“I gave it to him at the café after the whole fiasco.”

“Levi...” This was hard to believe.

“Yes, Eren?”

“That was five years ago.” I deadpanned.

“And?”

“You haven’t changed your number since?” I asked.

“I hadn’t felt the need to.”

_Makes sense… no it doesn’t._

“So they’ll be a few more hours?” I asked, running a hand through my hair.

He nodded.

“Then I’ll celebrate National Donut Day with you.”

I saw joy spread across his face.

“How do you want to celebrate?” He asked.

“Hmm… Remember the fact I told you a while ago about the World’s Biggest Donut?”

He nodded.

“I want to make a bigger one.” I stated.

His jaw hung slightly agape.

“Eren… that was a fucking big donut.”

“You underestimate my skills.” I pouted.

“How are we going to make a donut that big?”

“Determination, hope, and a fuckload of flour.” It was simple, really.

“We’re going to need to go to the store then.”

“Indeed.” I tugged on his wrist.

* * *

 

I don’t know what possessed me to go through with this crazy plan. How the Hell am I going to make a donut that big?

All I knew is that I was now standing in the kitchen with Levi, a fuckload of flour, hot oil in a pot and a will to find a way to make this work.

“Okay, so we know how to make the donut, but how do we make it so big? The pan isn’t big enough.” Levi asked, watching me create the mini donuts.

“I’m assuming we fry little ones to a point, and then squish them together.”

He looked at me doubtfully.

“Do you think it’s going to work?” He asked.

“Not a clue, but let’s give it a go anyway. What’s the worst that could happen?”

* * *

 

“That’s not how you do it.” He sighed.

“Excuse me? I’m the chef here.”

“You can’t even make toast without burning it.” He looked up at me with a triumphant look on his face.

_Rude… true… but rude._

“You’re going to have to trust me.”

“Why don’t I take over, and you stick to what you know.” He compromised.

“You don’t mean…”

“Regretfully, I do.” He turned to the donuts.

_Fuck yes. My time to shine._

“You must be scissors, because you’re looking sharp.” I wiggled my eyebrows.

He sighed and shook his head, continuing to nurse the donuts.

“Do your parents compose classical music? Cause baby got Bach.”

He scoffed.

“Damn, Eren. You’ve got game.”

“90% of my game is cheesy pick-up lines and the other 10 is awkward stares.” I told him.

“Makes sense.”

“Can I continue?” I asked.

“Five years and counting. I don’t know how I’ve survived this long… go ahead.”

“Are your lips water? Cause I'm feeling a bit dehydrated.” My hand went to his face. He moved his head out of the way.

“There’s water in the fridge.”

“Do you know where the nearest insane asylum is? Because baby, without you I'm going crazy.”

“Aww.” He said, sarcastically.

I threw a pinch of flour at him.

“Don’t be rude.”

He shot me a glare.

“Be careful. I haven’t forgiven you for earlier, yet.” He threatened.

“How about a pick-up line?”

“That’s not going to--”

“I'll be Burger King and you'll be McDonald's, I'll be having it my way and you'll be lovin' it.” I grinned.

He rescued the last of the donuts. We gave up on making the World’s Biggest Donut, since it was all squashed together and didn’t look very appetising.

We’d still eat it, though.

“Guess what I'm wearing? The smile you gave me.” I said.

He turned around.

“You know what else you’re wearing?”

“What?”

He threw a handful of flour on me, covering my chest and stomach.

“This.” He smirked.

_Ooh… that’s it. Prepare to die._

I retaliated, grabbing a handful of flour and coating him in it, as well as the countertops and floor.

“Eren! The floor!” Levi cried out.

_Him and his cleanliness. Fuck that shit. You’re going down._

“I don’t care,” I threw another handful. “You’re going down, you cactus!”

Flour flew everywhere as we attempted to beat the other for dominance.

Levi was winning.

Damn him.

I managed to sneak an attack, flour landing in his hair.

It looked like a serious case of dandruff.

_Take that._

“I advise you to surrender immediately, or I'll have to use a pick up line.” I threatened.

“Eren! You little--”

The front door opened.

“Hello! We’re here! Eren there was a key under the mat so we just—Oh my God there is white stuff everywhere. Please for the love of God don’t let it be what I think it is,” He turned to look over his shoulder. “Mikasa! Don’t come in yet.”

“Uh… hey Armin.” I waved, awkwardly.

“Eren I’m not looking. Go get cleaned up and I’ll distract Mikasa until you can come back out. The same goes for you, Levi.”

“Armin… it’s not what you--” I began.

“La la la. Just go have a shower,” He covered his ears. “Just know, if I hear moaning or something in the shower I’m calling the police, no questions asked. You’ve been warned.”

“You heard the man,” I turned to Levi. “To the shower.”

“Eren, you so much as touch me and I’ll make sure you can’t sit for a week. Wipe that grin off your face, that’s not what I meant.” He looked deadly serious.

I gulped.

“Understood.”

  _Help me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed that.  
> Mikasa and Armin are finally here! Hooray!  
> June 7th is actually National Donut Day! Levi is ecstatic.
> 
> Send in those pick-up lines! I need them desperately! xx
> 
> Until next time!


	8. Catchups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa and Armin are finally here!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! *confetti*  
> Wow... I'm so sorry for not uploading sooner. There were a lot of things going on, and life gets in the way.  
> However, I do have your chapter!
> 
> Many thanks to J_F_DragonfrostERERI01and Kirachii for the pick-up lines. You guys rock!
> 
> Enjoy! xx

**_ EREN POV: _ **

The shower was very quick – then again, we did have guests over.

Levi told me to go ahead and greet them properly whilst he got out the welcoming presents and all that stuff.

I was more than happy to oblige. This was Armin and Mikasa we were talking about.

“Okay,” I walked through the door to the living room “Take Two.”

Both Armin and Mikasa turned to look at me. They had giant smiles on their faces.

“Eren!” Came their response in unison. I was suddenly swarmed by a mix of both blonde and black hair tickling my nose.

They had gotten taller in my absence.

Levi would be thrilled.

_Note the sarcasm._

“Armin! Mikasa! How are you guys?” I answered, wrapping my arms around them.

Armin attempted to say something, but was unfortunately muffled by my armpit. I released him a moment later.

“We’re great, Eren.” Mikasa answered for him, stepping away from me so she could finally get a good look.

Armin nodded in agreement.

I finally laid eyes on Mikasa’s abdomen. There was clearly a baby bump forming between her hips - I might have sworn under my breath. Finally seeing it made it even more real.

“That’s awesome.” I beamed down at them.

“My God, Eren. You’ve gotten even taller since the last time we saw you. What have you been eating? Jack and the Beanstalk Beans?”

_Ah Armin. Still loving your fairy tales, I see._

“Nope, just being fed well, I guess.” I smiled.

“I heard about that,” Mikasa looked up at me. “You got married to Levi.”

My smile widened.

“Indeed I did.”

“How was the wedding?” Armin asked, sourly.

I pulled him in for another bone-crushing hug.

“You know I would have invited you if we were still in contact.”

“It’s still not fair.” Armin pouted, squashed into my chest.

“You probably wouldn’t have been in the mood to watch more than ten minutes.” Came a voice from the door.

All three of us looked over.

Levi had joined us.

“What do you mean?” Armin asked.

“What I mean is, Eren was cracking pick-up lines like nobody’s business in his wedding speech. It pretty much all was pick-up lines. No one in the hall was saved from the horror.”

“Everyone loved my pick-up lines, thank you very much.” I stuck my nose in the air, haughtily.

“Wow, Eren,” Armin shook his head. “You’re still going on with the pick-up lines? How many years has it been?”

“Too many to count, and yes, it’s still going strong. Nothing can overcome the power of a pick-up line.”

Armin turned to Levi.

“I pity you, I really do.”

“Me too.” Mikasa rolled her eyes.

“Me three.” Levi chuckled.

I narrowed my eyes.

“Hey!”

The three of them bust out in laughter.

“Okay, guys,” I waved them to the couch. “Let’s hear about you and Armin, Mikasa. What happened there?”

Mikasa blushed slightly.

“Well, basically after you left for New York with Levi, Armin asked me out on a date. I didn’t think too much of it at first, since I only saw him as a friend--”

“Friendzoned.” Levi whispered.

Armin shot him a glare.

“Anyway,” Mikasa continued. “The date went really well and we started seeing each other more often. Then the next thing I knew I was married and expecting a baby.”

“Is it a boy or a girl?” I asked.

“We don’t know yet. I want a boy, but Armin wants a girl.”

“Have you picked out names for the baby yet?” Levi cocked his head to the side.

“We’ve been tossing a few names around, but nothing’s really stuck at the moment.” Mikasa answered.

“That reminds me,” I spoke up. “I want you to meet our babies. They’re still really young, so be gentile with them. I’ll just go feed them and then I’ll bring them out.”

“Babies?” Armin questioned.

“Yeah, babies.”

“As in ‘baby’ babies?” Mikasa clarified.

_Huh?_

“Yes?” I was confused.

_They were my babies after all._

“Did you adopt?” She asked again.

“Of course we did. Neither Levi or myself can physically have a baby.”

Mikasa let out a breath of air.

“For a minute I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant with the babies.”

“When Armin called, I considered it.” I chuckled at the memory.

“I might have passed out.” Armin fanned himself.

“That’s the point.” Levi chuckled.

“Anyway, I’ll go get the babies. Levi, you entertain them until I get back.” I told him.

“Sure thing.” He waved me off.

I turned and walked to the bedroom, where both Kuro and Snowball were curled up next to each other, sleeping.

“Wake up.” I whispered.

They didn’t move.

“Wake up, lazy bones.”

I sighed and walked out of the room.

_Maybe they’ll wake up later._

“—so there I was, laying on the bed, and Eren flops down next to me, causing the mattress to launch me into the air and onto the floor. Needless to say, Eren slept on the couch that night.” Levi finished his story.

“I remember that.” I laughed, kissing the top of his head from the back of the couch.

“I still have the bruise on my hip.” He pouted.

“That was a while ago, though.”

“Exactly my point.” Levi scowled.

Both Armin and Mikasa were almost crying with laughter at Levi’s story.

“I… I can imagine it,” Armin howled. “Like, ‘hey Levi. Let me just flop down…. Oh no…. why are you in the air? Why are you on the floor? Why are you hitting me with a pillow?’” His body shuddered with laughter.

Mikasa was no better.

“Levi eyes must have bulged out. He must have been like a homicidal maniac or something on a rampage. How did you manage to survive, Eren?” She wiped the tears from her eyes.

“Donuts and foot rubs.” Levi answered her.

Both of them nodded, still laughing slightly.

_I survived that day by pure luck alone._

“Anyway,” Armin yawned. “We might go unpack and all that. We’ll leave you two some quiet time. It’s been an exciting day from the looks of it.” His eyes wandered to my ear.

I quickly wiped away the evidence.

_God, I hope Mikasa didn’t see. That would have been embarrassing. She might have jumped to the same conclusion as Armin._

Armin winked and joined Mikasa in the guest room, leaving Levi and myself to our own devices.

“Is it just me, or is it bright in here? Cause damn you’re shining.” I whispered.

“Eren, can’t I have just one day where I don’t have to endure this?”

“No.” The answer was simple.

He let out a pained groan.

“If you were the stars and stripes I'd salute you all day. God bless America.” I put a hand to my heart.

Levi had the audacity to scoff.

“God bless America indeed.”

“Are you Shakira? Cause these hips don’t lie.” The damn song was stuck in my head now.

“You’re going to do this even with your best friends over?” He asked.

“They endured it for countless years. It’s no different than before.”

“Eren, I don’t think--” I cut him off.

Sorry could you repeat that? I don't speak angel.”

“Eren.” He warned.

“You look tense, mind if I help you loosen up a bit?” I asked, smiling innocently.

“I’m tense because you’re applying these really thick. Is there something you want?”

“Nothing in particular. Maybe you can give me some Did You Know? Facts to level out the playing field.” I suggested.

“Did You Know? I don’t care.”

I pouted.

“That’s not very nice.”

“I’ll give you one, and one only.” He compromised.

I beamed.

“Are you Nicki? Cause I can’t stop looking at your ass.”

_Aww yiss._

“Why thank you.” I winked at him.

“No more.”

“One more.” I compromised.

“One.” He agreed.

Is there something in your mouth? Oh wait it’s just my tongue.”

Levi groaned.

“Thank God that was the last o--” I cut him off again.

“Hey I’m no hipster but can I make your hips stir.”

_Nailed it._

“Eren!” His eyes narrowed.

“What?!” I answered back in the same tone.

“You said one more!”

“I lied!” My lips lifted into a grin.

“Sleep with one eye open tonight.” He warned.

“I’m so scared.”

“You should be.” He chuckled darkly.

“Want another pi--” I was suddenly cut off.

“I’m like chocolate: I go straight to your ass!” Armin called from the guest room.

_Oh no he didn’t._

“Armin!” I was shocked at his brazen words.

Then Mikasa chimed in.

“You know why they call me the cat whisperer? Cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.”

“MIKASA!” This time, all three of us guys screamed in shock and surprise.

_Jesus have mercy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing changes, it seems.  
> Any idea what Armin and Mikasa will call the baby?  
> Will Eren and Levi get ideas?
> 
> What will happen?
> 
> (Keep sending in those pick-up lines! I have a dangerously low supply.)
> 
> Until next time! xx


	9. Bringing Home the Bacon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast doesn't alway go according to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could give every excuse in the book right now, but I'll just go with the truth.  
> I'm so sorry for not updating in forever. There were so many things going on but I'm back now, and ready to update.
> 
> Many thanks to JustALeviFanGurl, Tasha Flagg, Justme, Sodapop000, Kirachii, anon and J_F_DragonfrostERERI01 for the pick-up lines. You guys rock!

**_ EREN POV:  _ **

The next morning, I woke up with Snowball sleeping on my stomach. He was starting to get big, so of course he was crushing my poor, delicate ribs. I was surprised that I didn't suffocate during the night, like, Jesus.

Levi was already up and making breakfast for everyone. I assumed that Armin and Mikasa were still in the guest room, so I moved in on Levi to spend some much needed alone time with him before the lovebirds woke up.

He was standing by the oven, making some bacon... I think... I mean, I could smell bacon, but the last time I had smelt bacon, Levi had served eggs and toast. He had told me that I was imagining things, but my subconscious told me that he had scoffed down all the bacon before I had a chance to even get a taste.

 _Asshole_.

"I'll kiss you in the rain, so you can get twice as wet." I moved to be behind him and whispered in his ear.

"Eren, it's too early in the morning for this. Try again in a few more hours." His voice was groggy and tired. He obviously hadn't gotten much sleep last night.

"Why so tired?" I asked, wrapping my arms around him. He continued to make breakfast.

"I kept waking up during the night. It felt like I was being crushed - like something was on me and sucking the air out of my lungs."

_Oops... That must have been Snowball claiming his next victim._

"Maybe you were just imagining it?" Maybe I was still a bit bitter over the bacon.

"Who knows? Honestly, I just want to go back to bed and sleep for a few more hours."

"Then why don't you do that? I'll take over breakfast."

"I don't trust you," um, rude. "Remember last time you tried to make breakfast?"

"The fire brigade said it wasn't that bad."

"But it could have been."

"But it wasn't."

"Sleep sounds good right now, but I don't know, Eren. Can you handle not burning the bacon?"

_So he is making bacon. Fuck yeah. Finally._

"I'm sure I can manage."

"Okay.." He said, hesitantly. "I'll go catch up on sleep. Burn the bacon and I'll burn your ass." I gulped.

"Noted."

He moved to go back to the bedroom, but I held him in place.

"I'll let you go as soon as you provide me with a pick-up line."

He groaned.

"Eren..." 

"Those are my conditions." 

He sighed.

"Just one."

"Maybe."

"Eren..." He warned.

"Okay, one."

He thanked me.

"Hmm.." He thought for a second. "Twinkle twinkle little star, let's have sex inside my car." "

That was a weak one."

"It's all I have at the moment. I need to restock."

"Try again." 

He sighed.

"You should sell hot dogs, because you already know how to make a weiner stand."

I smiled and threw him another line.

"You're looking so sweet, you got my eyes glazed over like donuts."

"You said one more."

"I lied."

"I need to sleep, Eren."

"Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back."

"Eren, I'm not doing this."

"Are you a 90 degree angle cause you are right."

He let out a pained groan.

"Are you a software update? Because not now" He muttered under his breath.

_Um, rude._

"I might as well call you google, cause you have all that I'm looking for."

"Eren, I'm going to swat you with the wooden spoon."

"I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin me."

"I'm serious, Eren. It's right here."

"Do they make you in hug pillow?"

"Get away from me, you weeb."

"You're kawaii as hell."

"The spoon is right here, Eren. I'm serious."

"I'm sorry..." Levi relaxed "...but seeing made me forget how to breath. Do you mind helping me with some mouth to mouth resuscitation?"

_If looks could kill..._

"I'll give you one. One." He relented.

 _Victory_.

"I'm a classy guy, so I want to take you out. We'll start with dinner and finish together."

 _Damn_.

"Sounds good."

"Good, now shoo."

"Are you a cupcake cause I'd take a bite out of you anytime."

He grabbed the spoon and whipped around, but I was too quick for him.

"I'm studying for this college class and to graduate I have to bang the hottest guy I can find. Can you help me out?" I called from the other side of the room where I was safe.

"Go away."

"Do you like dragons cause I'm about to be 'dragon' my balls across your face."

"You're sleeping on the couch tonight." 

I pouted.

"Don't give me that face, you deserve it." 

I pouted again.

"... Fine. One last chance."

I grinned.

"I honestly have no more pick-up lines, Eren. I need to restock."

"Then go restock."

"I need to re-sleep, actually, Eren."

"Okay, you do that."

"I will." He nodded.

I let him go and he walked back to the bedroom.

"Love you." I whispered.

He stopped at the doorway.

"Love you too." 

I smiled.

"See you in a bit."

"Bye."

"Being with you is like a dream cause I never wanna wake up."

He didn't hear. Good. I'd probably die if he did. RIP Eren. And no, I didn't just have a sappy moment with my husband over going back to bed. That would be stupid. Stop shaking your head. I know you are.

I was left in the kitchen, attending to the bacon.

Bringing home the bacon.

_How would I know if it was burnt, though? Shit, what if I mess it up? What if Levi comes after me and burns my ass. Maybe I should google how to not burn bacon. Yeah, I might do that._

_I fired up the laptop, which was sitting on the dining room table. How to.._ I typed .. _Not burn backin_.

_Why is is telling me bacon is spelt wrong? I think I know more than a computer. Stupid Apple. Stupid Steve Jobs... RIP tho. I tried again._

_Bacin... Nope._

_Hmmm.... Baecon_

_Are you kidding me? Fine, Steve Jobs. I'll use your suggestion of 'bacon.' It still looks wrong, though._

Ah yes. A wiki article on how to cook bacon. It says to make sure to not burn it. No shit, Sherlock. The sizzling had ceased, so I assumed the bacon was done. That's how it works, right?

I walked back over to inspect the baco... Oh fuck. Why is it black? I was only at the computer for a few minutes!

Opening the other packet of bacon, I put it into the frying pan. Maybe I can make some more before anyone noticed. The sizzling did not return.

_Shit shit shit shit._

I turned off the stove, because safety first, and panicked. What do I do?! I'll have to hide the evidence - but where? Uh.... Under the couch! I ran to the couch and slid it underneath, hiding the burnt and uncooked bacon.

_There. Now he won't notice._

_Success._

"Eren?"

_Oh shit._

I turned around. Oh, it was only Armin. Praise Jesus.

"What are you doing?"

"Uh..." I had to think of something. "Airing the house. It was really stuffy."

He just nodded.

"So what's for breakfast? I can smell bacon but.." He sniffed the air. "It smells burnt."

"Levi did it." I replied, eyes wide.

He gave me a strange look.

"Okay... So now what? And where is he?"

"He's sleeping, and I don't know... Grab Mikasa and lets go out for breakfast. My treat."

Armin smiled.

"Thanks, Eren."

I gave him a pained smile.

"No problem, Arm. I'm sure Mikasa is starved. She's eating for two now."

"That she is." He looked smug.

_Darn him._

"I still don't know how you did not." I nudged his arm.

"Neither do I."

"Congrats, though. You must be really excited."

"Yeah." He had a goofy smile on his face.

"Come on, lover boy. Go grab your wife and let's go out."

"What about Levi?"

"He's busy sleeping. I'll bring something home for him."

Armin nodded.

"I'll just go grab 'kasa and we'll get dressed. Meet you out here in five."

"Sounds good. Just no morning sex, though. I don't want Levi to wake up."

"Eren!" His cheeks went pink.

"Armin!" I repeated in the same tone.

"There are ladies present."

"Not currently."

"But there will be."

"Just go, Armin."

"Okay, okay. See you in a few."

"See you."

He left to go back to the guest room, and I quietly tip-toed into the bedroom, careful not to wake Levi. He was sleeping like a baby.. Wait.. Is that drool? Gross. He's adorable, though.

I grabbed my clothes from the drawer and quickly tip-toed out of the room, closing the door behind me.

"Alright, fam." I whisper-yelled. "Let's roll out."

Armin and Mikasa appeared a second later, with Armin in jeans and a button up and Mikasa in a little sundress.

Damn, I just grabbed skinny jeans and a band t-shirt. It was Levi's, but still. I feel a little underdressed now.

"Morning, Eren." Mikasa smiled and hugged me.

"Sleep well?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Better than expected, but there was something sleeping on me last night, like I could breathe properly."

_That'll be Snowball... again._

"Never mind that," I said quickly. "Let's go get breakfast."

* * *

 

"Thanks, Eren." Mikasa smiled when we finished.

Truth be told, that was some pretty good breakfast we had. 10/10 would recommend.

"No worries. It was my treat."

"What did you get for Levi?" Armin asked from my left.

"Just a croissant. He's been into French food lately. Must be his ancestors calling to him."

Mikasa chuckled.

"Probably."

* * *

 

We arrived back home and I opened the door - promptly greeted by Snowball and Kuro.

"I still can't believe you call them your children." Mikasa shook her head. Her reaction was hilarious when she first found out Kuro and Snowball were animals. She had a face like "are you fucking kidding me?" Sorry Mikasa. No, I'm not.

"Well they are my children."

"They're animals."

I gasped.

"They're my babies!"

"Whatever floats your boat." She sighed and playfully flicked my ear.

_Rude._

Snowball ran past us, something in his mouth. It was long and black. Must be a new toy that Levi got him.

"Can I get you guys anything to drink?" I asked as I walked back to the kitchen.

"No, we're fine" both of them chimed in.

I nodded.

"Well I'm getting something."

I had made it halfway to the kitchen when Levi appeared at the doorway, eyes narrowed.

_Oh no._

"Levi! Good morning! I brought you a croissant." I thrust the bag into his face.

His face didn't move. He didn't even blink.

"I love you?" I tried.

Nothing. Then...

"Eren," he said slowly. "Why was Snowball eating a piece of burnt bacon on top of me?"

"He was hungry?"

Levi whistled for Snowball, with the little shit running in a moment later - the bacon still in his mouth.

Levi raised an eyebrow.

_I'm going to die._

"Please don't kill me."

"You told me you could take care of it."

"And I did... Until it burnt."

"Why didn't you call for me?"

"I didn't want to wake you." 

He sighed.

"Thank you for your consideration. Don't worry about it. I'll just make more."

He walked over to the fridge, opening and looking for the rest of the bacon.

"Where's the rest of it?"

"I..." Oh fuck. "I used the rest of it."

"So where is it?"

"I threw it out."

He stood up and stared at me, unblinking.

"You threw out two packets of bacon?"

"Yes."

"Two five hundred gram packets?"

"Yes."

His eye twitched.

"Run."

I was out of there faster than Levi when there's no more donuts at Dunkin' Donuts.

"HAVE MERCY"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! It really means a lot!  
> See you next update! xx  
> (Send me those pick-up lines! As per normal lol)


	10. NOT A CHAPTER - AN APOLOGY AND ANNOUNCEMENT

Hey guys, wow it's been forever since i've written and I feel like I owe you all an apology. I can give a million and one reasons as to why I stopped writing this and all that but I decided I'd quit the excuses and just say the real reason.

I stopped writing this fic because I felt like people were not enjoying it. I felt like it was recycled material from Hot Damn and eventually someone will say "wow this is stupid" and just leave. Call me sensitive, call me a validation seeker - I don't care. I wanted to create fics that would bring smiles onto people's faces and brighten up their day no matter how 'stupid' the chapter was or how much 'garbage' it's claimed to be. 

Yes, this series is classified as crack but it also is my outlet to what I was feeling. I used to spend hours thinking about what mischief Eren and Levi could get into. Its true that some situations were trash but I didn't care. It made you guys happy and it made me happy to see your reactions. 

I went on this hiatus for what seems like over a year now because I didn't want to disappoint anyone. I'd rather stop what I was doing than see the series I held dear to my heart burn and crash into a fiery death. I know that a lot of you were left in the dark and were wondering where I had gone. There was no communication and for that I am truly sorry. Really, I am.

However, this is not the soul reason I decided to post this apology. I want to announce that **I will begin this series again**. How soon I do not know as I am still tentative but I know that I will most certainly start again. I am determined to finish this fic and to bring back the laughter that I once brought to you a year ago.

You may say that me posting this announcement is attention seeking or me looking for validation. That is untrue. Yes, seeing your comments do make my writing worthwhile and the support you give me is amazing but I want to do this no matter what feedback or lack-of I receive. 

I hope this apology is not too late and you'll all still be willing to read my work no matter how long you've waited (or will wait). I care for you all very deeply and I hope we can continue the fun, banter filled chapters like before.

Take care, and see you soon

MysteriouslySurreal :)

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I'm open to suggestions and pick-up lines, facts etc like Hot Damn had.
> 
> Thank you for reading and supporting this fic! xx  
> 


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